Sugar daddies

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vol. 197, April 16, 2009

reflections from self…

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I look for themes to cover in this newsletter, which get generated by something I read or is suggested by a reader.

This issue’s theme was spawned on reading an interesting article (attached) in the NY Times on “sugar daddies” and “sugar babies” (sic) – how would something so freely discussed in a national publication be viewed in the desi-American community? In addition, what is the latest on this topic, as well as sexuality, in South Asia? Is it still a taboo subject?

A little research showed that there is quite a bit of awareness both here and in India/Pakistan. As one article from India states, “when popular culture is still in the grips of the virgin/whore binary. Walking this thin line between of sexual decency and immodesty, women are pushing the envelope, blurring the lines of promiscuous behavior. It’s all too overwhelming, says Sarojini Sahoo, a feminist and Oriya writer. “If female sexuality is to be recognised by our patriarchal society, then the fundamental moral social values would obliterate…”

But in other parts of South Asia, as seen from the attached flogging article, the “patriarchal society” is desperately and violently trying to enforce their ideologies…but some signs of hope are emerging, like yesterday’s protest – “But the march continued anyway. About 300 Afghan women, facing an angry throng three times larger than their own, walked the streets of the capital on Wednesday to demand that Parliament repeal a new law that introduces a range of Taliban-like restrictions on women, and permits, among other things, marital rape…”

So read on and send me your thoughts, as well as what themes you would like to see in the future…

feedback/suggest articles

so what’s new?

Sugar Daddy.

But first, a quote which I found hilarious regarding the recent Somali pirate activities – Pirates? Really? Pirates? It’s two thousand flipping nine! Gas up a few Black Hawks and be done with it already…”

Coming to the main topic, what is the historical basis for a Sugar Daddy relationship? As the article details, Heterosexual relationships, including marriage, have long involved economic transactions, but Bailey points out that when men provided financial security, they traditionally did so in exchange for a woman’s sexual virtue (and potential to bear and rear children), not for sexual thrills. For that, they often turned to prostitutes and mistresses, involving a more frank money-for-sex exchange. It’s only in the last century that money has been traded — albeit indirectly — for sexual attention from “respectable” unmarried women…”

Very interesting and well-written article by Ruth Padawer.

And to gauge the trend in South Asia, we turn to Bollywood: Partakers of the phenomenon range from the veterans to the current reigners. Big Bachchan himself had no qualms in romancing Tabu in Cheeni Kum which incidentally depicted the story of a couple in love who had a whopping 30-year age difference… Without doing too much math, clearly the age difference is light years apart, making the Big B, not only king of Hindi cinema but the “Sugar Daddy King!”

And finally, there is hope for all the girls who thought they had lost all the eligible desi-American bachelors – the attached article shows that the sour US economy is playing the anti-cupid…

Till next time…

The DFW Desi


The DFW Desi is a free, independent newsletter published to share current news, views and events pertaining to the South Asian American community – over 18,000 strong and growing!

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in this issue

<– Link fixed

White Rock Lake
April 18, 2009
N Buckner Blvd & E Northwest Hwy, Dallas, TX 752011

1. Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

2. Keeping Up With Being Kept

3. Video of girl’s flogging as Taliban hand out justice


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1. Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out

By Shefali Anand, WSJ

Vikas Marwaha would normally be considered a good catch by Indian parents seeking a husband for their daughter. The 27-year-old software engineer earns $80,000 to $100,000 a year and comes from a family “of doctors and engineers,” according to his profile on a matrimonial Web site.

But Mr. Marwaha works for a start-up Internet phone company in San Francisco. And because the U.S. economy is wobbly, that’s a problem. Many Indian parents now are balking at sending their daughters to the U.S. to marry.

During a two-week wife-hunting trip to India in December, Mr. Marwaha interviewed 20 potential brides in 10 days. He says several parents asked him, “How has the recession impacted your job?” Mr. Marwaha says he assured them he hadn’t been affected at all, but still he returned to the U.S. brideless.

Click here for the complete article.


Silk Threads


2. Keeping Up With Being Kept

By RUTH PADAWER, NY Times

AT FIRST GLANCE, the Web site SeekingArrangement.com seems like any other dating site. Most of the men are looking for fit, sexy women, and most of the women want nice guys who can make them smile and laugh. But if eHarmony or Match.com is a chatty social mixer, Seeking Arrangement is a down-and-dirty marketplace where older moneyed men and cute young women engage in brutally frank transactions. They’re not searching for longtime soul mates; they want no-strings-attached “arrangements” that trade in society’s most valued currencies: wealth, youth and beauty. In the cheesy lexicon of the site, they are “sugar daddies” and “sugar babies.”

There’s the 18-year-old from France asking for $5,000 to $10,000 a month from “a mentor who can provide me with the finer things in life and keep me happy!” And the 49-year-old investor from upstate New York willing to pay $5,000 a month for a “daytime playmate” for “intense connection without commitment.” Critics say the site is at best a convenience store for adulterers and at worst a virtual brothel, but Brandon Wade, Seeking Arrangement’s 38-year-old founder and chief executive, is unperturbed by the criticism. “We stress relationships that are mutually beneficial,” he says. “We ask people to really think about what they want in a relationship and what they have to offer. That kind of upfront honesty is a good basis for any relationship.”

Please click here for the complete article.


3. Video of girl’s flogging as Taliban hand out justice

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Mobile phone movie shows that militant influence is spreading deeper into Pakistan

A video showing a teenage girl being flogged by Taliban fighters has emerged from the Swat Valley in Pakistan, offering a shocking glimpse of militant brutality in the once-peaceful district, and a sign of Taliban influence spreading deeper into the country.

The two-minute video, shot using a mobile phone, shows a burka-clad woman face down on the ground. Two men hold her arms and feet while a third, a black-turbaned fighter with a flowing beard, whips her repeatedly.

“Please stop it,” she begs, alternately whimpering or screaming in pain with each blow to the backside. “Either kill me or stop it now.”

A crowd of men stands by, watching silently. Off camera a voice issues instructions. “Hold her legs tightly,” he says as she squirms and yelps.

After 34 lashes the punishment stops and the wailing woman is led into a stone building, trailed by a Kalashnikov-carrying militant.

Reached by phone, Taliban spokesman Muslim Khan claimed responsibility for the flogging. “She came out of her house with another guy who was not her husband, so we must punish her. There are boundaries you cannot cross,” he said. He defended the Taliban’s right to thrash women shoppers who were inappropriately dressed, saying it was permitted under Islamic law.

For the complete article, please click here


Featured Non-Profit

A new section in this newsletter, providing exposure to deserving South Asian Non-Profits. Suggestions welcome

Suggested on FB by Rick Koluri. NetIP Dallas also sponsors a child in India through Baal Dan (details on their Scotch-tasting fundraiser here).

Mission: To help street children, slum children, and orphans in India as directly and efficiently as possible, while investing in ways to provide these children with an education.

Founded by Tanya Pinto of Dallas – see the NBC 5 video coverage on their site.

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